The holidays are often the first time in months that families spend real time with an aging parent. Over Thanksgiving dinner or a weekend visit, small changes that are easy to miss on a phone call can suddenly become clear. This guide covers what to notice during holiday visits, how to start the conversation, and what to do next if you are worried.
Why holiday visits matter
On the phone, most parents say they are doing fine. In person, you can see how they are really managing day to day: the state of the kitchen, how they move around the house, and whether bills and medications are under control. Seeing a parent in their own home gives you the clearest picture of how much help they may need.
8 things to notice during your visit
- The refrigerator and pantry. Expired food, very little fresh food, or many of the same items can mean meals are being skipped or forgotten.
- Weight changes. Noticeable weight loss, or clothes that fit very differently, can point to eating less or a health change.
- How they move. Holding onto furniture, shuffling, new bruises or trouble with stairs can mean a higher risk of falling.
- Medications. Pill bottles that are full when they should be half empty, missed doses, or confusion about what to take and when.
- The house and yard. Piles of mail, unpaid bills, laundry that has not been done, or a home that is much less tidy than usual.
- Personal care. Wearing the same clothes several days in a row, or skipping bathing, often signals that these tasks have become hard or unsafe.
- Memory and mood. Repeating stories or questions, losing track of the day, pulling back from friends, or seeming more anxious or low than usual.
- Driving and getting around. New dents on the car, getting lost on familiar routes, or no longer leaving the house.
One sign on its own is not always a cause for alarm. A pattern of several signs, or a change from how your parent was a few months ago, is worth acting on. For more, read our article on signs it may be time for assisted living.
How to start the conversation
- Pick a calm moment, not in the middle of a busy holiday meal.
- Start with what you noticed and how you feel, not with a solution: “I noticed you seem tired, and I worry about you being alone on the stairs.”
- Ask what they want. Most people want to stay independent. Talk about help as a way to keep that independence safely.
- Bring siblings in. Agree as a family on what you saw and what the next step should be.
- Do not decide everything in one talk. A first conversation is about opening the door.
What to do next
- Talk with their doctor about any health, memory or mobility changes you noticed.
- Look at the options: more help at home, adult day programs, or assisted living. Our guide on how assisted living works explains what is included.
- Understand payment. Private pay, long-term care insurance and Minnesota waivers such as the Elderly Waiver can all help. See our Minnesota waivers page.
- Tour a few places together while everyone is in town for the holidays, if you can.
A small home in Burnsville, with rooms available
Twin Cities Living Assistance is a licensed assisted living home in Burnsville, Minnesota, with just five residents and staff on site 24/7. We help with personal care, medications and daily routines, and serve three home-cooked meals and two snacks every day. We accept the Elderly Waiver, CADI, BI, CAC and DD waivers, as well as private pay.
If your family will be together over the holidays, it is a good time to visit. We currently have private rooms available and can usually schedule a tour within the same week. Call (612) 964-2222 or contact us.
Frequently asked questions
What if my parent does not want to talk about it?
That is common. Share what you noticed, listen, and come back to it later. Involving their doctor can also help.
Is it too soon to look at assisted living?
Looking early gives your family more choices and less pressure. Touring does not commit you to anything.
Can we tour during the holidays?
Yes. Call ahead and we will find a time that works while your family is in town.
